In Marriage: Pornography & Fifty Shades of Grey

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Why I am not Going to Put my “Shades” on:

Do I believe that some people will not understand this post? Yes.  But as far as I am concerned, this is my decision for me and what is best for me and my family with the result of becoming closer to God.

A lot of people don’t understand what I do, why or when I do things. And that used to upset and bother me, “I will be the oddball!” So I used to just follow suit in hopes they would think I was normal. But putting on that mask gets tiring! Here I am, raw, uncut, with a deep devotion and love for God. If you don’t understand I’m sorry, but this is me.

This season….I am not following suit…I am standing out!

My husband and I have struggled a lot in our marriage. There was at least twice that I remember thinking of divorce. Once before we started going to church and once after.

Here is where I leave my heart on a sleeve. Pornography. It is a marriage killer! I know because it almost killed mine. So I can speak about this having dealt with this on a personal level.  It is a nasty addiction making one person or both feel completely worthless in marriage.

The struggle was real. I know many think and say, “Pornography is a very normal thing, etc.” Well, this “normal thing” almost ruined my marriage. And I far from believe that it is normal. I am not here to debate, I am here to share with you why I will not be following suit to the movie theater on valentine’s day along with a lot of the women of the world, to watch Fifty Shades of Grey.

After our struggles and counseling, I became a photographer. I photograph all sorts of situations. Children, maternity, etc. For a while I enjoyed the modeling world and would often be seen photographing models. One day as I was at my computer editing, I noticed I would always hide the picture when my husband came around. I didn’t want him looking at a girl in her skimpy outfit or skimpy bathing suit…Especially after all we had been through.

But that is when it hit me, “If you don’t want your husband looking, why are you photographing it?”

So I began to live by the standard: Don’t be a hypocrite. If you don’t want your husband to see it or children to see it, don’t photograph it.

Well then this book phenomenon came out. Yes, I was sucked in just like a lot of people. I read half the first book, yes, the collection sits on my Kindle. But I have not and will not read the rest, and I will not go see the movie.

It brings me back to those painful memories of feeling worthless from my husband for having looking at those other “women” in those magazines or websites. It brought tears.

The struggle is real. And I will not be a hypocrite. I will stand with my husband and honor God in the best way I know how, by not seeing the movie.

I know many won’t understand why I wrote this or why I made the decision I made. But it was something personal with God , me and my husband. I pray that maybe it will inspire someone that was on the fence about it. Or is unsure why someone would see bad in it. I see it as a marriage killer.

Matthew 5:27-28 (NIV)

27 “You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall not commit adultery.’[a] 28 But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart.

 

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