The Many Ways Moms Influence Their Daughters


I remember my littlest being my biggest imitator. She would walk around the house in her prized “clippy clops” with her purse and play phone in hand. A determined little one who had places to go and things to get done, she simply needed a car ignition big enough to fit the toy keys she carried in her purse as she mimicked her biggest model, me! She sure loved the sound of her “clippy clops” on the tile. So much so, she wore the bottoms off countless dress shoes. In the past few years though she traded the loudness of her “clippy clops” for the quietness of tennis shoes and her dresses for jeans becoming her own unique person different from, but with essences of me, that scream “Your MOMMM!” (as my eldest daughter would say in the most loud and obnoxious way.)

There are many ways we as moms influence our daughters whether good or bad. Our influence is evident even when they are out of our homes and living their own lives. Some things they model are inherited honestly but others they’ve seen and studied become a part of them. Sometimes though, things come forth, learned from us, that break my heart and those are what I want to share today.

We influence their perception of beauty and how they see themselves. I remember the day that I stood on the scale, not liking the number that I saw, in frustration yelled to my husband, “How can you look at me when I’m so fat and ugly?!” I didn’t know that around the corner, one of my daughter’s stood hearing every single word. What they do not hear, they watch! If we are constantly fussing over our hair, weight, skin, noses and all things considered imperfect, they will do the same.

As moms, we need to remember our beauty doesn’t lie in our outward appearance and instill this truth not only in our hearts but theirs too.

What they come to believe at home about beauty will decide what they believe when outward influences début during their adolescent and teen years. Bathe your spirit and your daughter’s in God’s truth, setting a foundation to stand firmly upon as they go out to school, work, date, or even a slumber party.

1 Peter 3:3-4 NIV, “Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as elaborate hairstyles and the wearing of gold jewelry or fine clothes. Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight.”

Psalm 139:13-14 NLT, “You made all the delicate, inner parts of my body and knit me together in my mother’s womb. Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex! Your workmanship is marvelous—how well I know it.”

1 Samuel, 16:7 NIV, “But the Lord said to Samuel, “Do not consider his appearance or his height, for I have rejected him. The Lord does not look at the things people look at. People look at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.”

We influence how they treat their dads and thenceforth their husbands. We need to beware of the tone and manner in which we speak and treat our husbands and sons. When we speak to them with contempt, disrespect and say negative things about them, they too will copy that which we model. I was so angry with my husband one day! I flew off the handle and pretty much said that I knew more than he did and he didn’t know anything, all within reach of 3 sets of listening ears. I ate my words a few days later when I heard an upset child scream that their dad knew nothing. Ugh! What a nasty seed to plant and see played out back to your husband! How even more harmful to see it carried over in their marriages towards their husbands and sons.

Proverbs 18:7 NIV, “The mouths of fools are their undoing, and their lips are a snare to their very lives…”

James 3:5-6 NIV, “Likewise, the tongue is a small part of the body, but it makes great boasts. Consider what a great forest is set on fire by a small spark. The tongue also is a fire, a world of evil among the parts of the body. It corrupts the whole body, sets the whole course of one’s life on fire, and is itself set on fire by hell.”

We also influence how they will seek God in addition His importance in their lives. It is necessary our girls see us reading the Bible, praying, and seeking Him. While it is good to have friends and those who encourage them along in their walk, they do not replace the need or truth from God.

When we model God as the center of our lives we give them a first hand account in who to rely on.

You can help by doing Bible studies and praying with and for them together. Let the Word of God grow in their hearts at home or let the world teach them differently.

Titus 2:7 NLT, “And you yourself must be an example to them by doing good works of every kind. Let everything you do reflect the integrity and seriousness of your teaching…”

I’m entering the stage where I am not their primary influence as they enter the adolescent and teen years, but that doesn’t mean my job as their mother is over. I am still the voice of reason and example in their waves of emotion. I am still the example and foundation set in their hearts, minds, and yes, even their mouths. The next “Your MOMMMM” I hear, no matter how obnoxious or annoying, I need to see it as God’s way of telling me to check myself, before the manners I model negatively influence those destined to repeat them around me!

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