I Want You to Want Me

iwantyoutowantmeThere are days when my best laid plans to really stop and sit with the Lord are thwarted—all day long. This past week I had one day in particular that was primed and ready for some really great journal, worship, and prayer time. We had nothing on the agenda and even “getting out of my pajamas” had been pushed off until early afternoon! I started the day with the usual chaos of getting a child off to school, but the promise of quiet time lingered. It just kept lingering as one or more of my kids requested something, or I got caught up in one more email or Facebook sucked me in for another 5 minute mindless scroll.

The next thing I knew my son was due to get off the bus and God and I had shared nothing more than brief conversations of prayer as people came to my mind and I felt compelled to pray over them. Needless to say, I was frustrated at myself. This laid back day was frittered away by the minute. I knew that if I had put my quiet time with God first, I would have had a more productive—or restful—day. I nonchalantly carried that guilt with me into the next day as well. Thankfully that day is my prayer group day. I know I am going to get time with God—uninterrupted. While I was there, I started sharing with a friend about my experience the day before. She looked at me with kindness and after assuring me I needed to put down the guilt and pick up the grace, she asked, “What lies are you believing that kept you from getting that time?”

What lies?

Well, one lie came to mind quickly. It was that He expected me to give him that time. Not by choice but by obligation. My flesh prickled at the idea of being made to do something because I had the time. The old religious spirit wormed its way into the equation and because I didn’t fulfill the obligation, I got to wear the heavy chain of guilt instead. That’s how it works in religion it seems: If you don’t do all the things required, you get to carry around the guilt. One or the other.

“Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom.” –2 Corinthians 3:17

As I sat and thought about this idea, the Holy Spirit showed me an illustration that I want to pass along.

He showed me that if a husband and wife were sitting down regularly and planning out their times to be together, and they executed their plan each and every time, they would probably have a better marriage than most. However the way they truly feel about each other and the attitude they have while together are more important than just fulfilling an obligation. Those of us who are married know that being desired by our spouse draws out emotions that nothing else can. This is the same with our relationship with God.

 He wants us to have a plan and make him a priority, but more than that, he wants to be desired—by you!

As I was hearing this from Holy Spirit and thinking of what that meant, I felt prompted to tell him what I thought of him. I pulled out my journal and wrote:

I am wild for you! Holy Spirit, more! I need more of you. Show me the lies I am believing that keep more of you at bay! I see the need for NO boundaries with you.”

I am done withholding affection from God in my day. I can fit that in any time and any place. If all I get to do is sit and listen to one worship song and dwell on my admiration for him―that is enough for that day. If it is just simply throwing up words of admiration and quick prayers for guidance today―that is enough. I am free to just desire him. This silences the lies of the Enemy that I didn’t do enough to be considered a good Christian that day.

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