Sex: A Gift From God When…

get-attachment (28)God showed me a video the other day and it convicted me through a few quotes by Sam Storms.

I felt convicted not because I am living with a man outside of marriage- I’m married. But because I have.

My husband and I dated and lived together our entire dating relationship. I have repented and God has forgiven me but I haven’t stopped to truly feel what doing that meant. We cheapened sex, and our marriage did not have what it was meant to share by God.

God created sex. It’s a gift to MARRIAGE. (Ephesians 5:23-31) I was not a virgin when I began dating my husband. I guess you could say that sex was not special and it had become normal. I still struggle with not associating it with the ill feelings it left me with years ago.

When we have sex before marriage, we steal a gift from God meant for marriage.


We cheapen sex and rob our partner and ourselves from the immeasurable goodness it brings to marriage. That’s how God intended it, and you’d think we would take heed to how it works best.

It’s surprising to hear how many couples are living together unwed. Recently, I went to a store to buy a case for my phone. The salesperson helping me casually admitted that he goes home to his girlfriend as he told me she broke her phone in their bathroom. I immediately picked up on the real problem. (Hebrews 13:4)

Guys are not saving girls from their living situations by living with them. They are replacing current problems with immorality, and future relational problems.

I would say 1/2 of women, or more, validate themselves through men. In some way, most women seek approval from them and we desire to please them. This is so far from God’s purpose, I truly wish I could go back to when this all began and pull the plug on that mentality.

Please don’t confuse what I’m saying here. Desiring to please your husband is an entirely different thing. (1 Corinthians 7:3,4)

Our society shows us, whether by ads or TV shows or movies, that women are images; they should be seen and admired for their beauty. And women have accepted this as a way of life and have gone to great lengths to portray herself that of which is considered beautiful in modern times.


It’s an ongoing cycle and men (not all men are like this, thankfully) won’t stop gauking at women until we finally learn to embrace Gods vision of us and His love. (Ephesians 2:4,5) Anyone else’s approval is not necessary. No one else defines us. (1 Samuel 16:7) We need to seriously take a look at how we’re carrying ourselves in the way we dress as to not provoke sin such as lust (1 Corinthians 10:32) over our bodies (temples of God, 1 Corinthians 6:19) and reexamine how we respect ourselves and what boundaries we establish. (1 Timothy 2: 9, 10)

Certainly, lust is not always or only a woman’s fault but this isn’t about guys. This is about sex and immortality. It’s about us women staying true to who God wants us to be and act like. It’s about treating ourselves with the love and respect that God has for us. It’s about preserving the precious gift of sex for that special person after you marry.

I can tell you this because I have had serious issues with sex in my life. I’ve had serious relationships and sex played a key role in destroying them all as fast as they began. In fact, the lies that premarital sex brings almost tore me apart from my now husband.

When we have sex before marriage, we know we should wait but we don’t. We either don’t care enough or we try and make up excuses as to why it’s permissible in your situation. I used to say that I’ve had sex before so it doesn’t matter anymore. I used to believe that by living with my boyfriend that we were “basically” already married just without the paperwork, therefore, it would be deemed okay in Gods eyes. I used to tell myself all kinds of excuses to try and reason my way out of conviction- and ultimately out of a life change and repentance.

Having sex before marriage is like playing Russian-roulette: your relationship will suffer in one way or another. Your chances become slim of the relationship even surviving.

Single ladies, single moms, and anyone else who finds themselves reading this: please reconsider having sex even for one more time, until you’re married. You must publicly announce your commitment before God and formally vow your lifelong unification to your spouse before any sort of sexual acts. God created weddings, marriage, and sex. He did not create immortality, fornication, adultery or sin. Why would we want to take part in anything which is not God-breathed?

Another perspective mentioned in the video I watched was to consider your boyfriend or girlfriend and THEIR future. You may be robbing their future spouse (assuming it may actually NOT be you) from that special gift.

I’m all about learning truths which are uncomfortable! It’s time we step up- our spouses will thank us later (or they aren’t your God-given future spouse) and we will begin our marriage on the right foot. I cannot tell you how I wish I had waited for my husband. And after we were married.

We should have been responsible and not abused the gift of sex. We had our daughter out of wedlock. I’m not saying I regret her at all. I’m saying that we should have been prepared, martially, for her to enter this world. And being prepared would have been to remain abstinent until after we were ready to marry.

Please don’t have sex until after you’re married. It’s as simple as that. We are sexual creatures, one can argue that easily, but we need to set those boundaries ahead of time. Decide what you’re willing to do according to what’s acceptable by God’s Word and be prepared to bring a child into the world the way God intended: in marriage.

I pray for each of you reading this article. May it touch your heart and may the Holy Spirit speak to you in your own life or in the lives of a couple you know.

Please share this message with anyone you think it would help. I’m truly blessed and amazed at God’s love and mercy. I rest on God’s promises and that He has cleansed me through the burdens that pre-marital sex brings. He will bring strength to have that self-control, and He will never forsake you on this journey.

Sex isn’t about burden, it’s far too great a gift. But when we use something outside of its intended purpose, it doesn’t mean the same thing.

Its meaning becomes stripped and its value is diminished. Consider these words and open your Bible for more insight on this pertinent topic.


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