Loyalty In His Absence

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Sitting with my girlfriends at our favorite coffee shop we chat and laugh. We share funny stories. The silly things the kids say and do. What the lady at the grocery store had the nerve to ask me about homeschooling my kids. We talk about books, shows, the news, and diets we tried out. We talk about our husbands.

“The heart of her husband trusts her, and he will have no lack of gain. She does him good, and not harm, all the days of her life.”-Proverbs 31:11-12

We have all done it. We told our friends, sister, and even our mom about the argument you had with him. How he is obviously wrong and you are obviously right. The words he said and how they hurt you. We gossip about how lazy, stupid, incompetent, etc., he is. Sometimes we don’t even mean to, it just slips out. But, it feels so good to tell someone else. It makes you feel good to have someone on your side and confirming you words and actions toward your husband.

“Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife; as also Christ is head of the church; and He is the Savior of the body. Therefore, just as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything.” –Ephesians 5:22-24

Part of respecting my husband is being loyal to him. It is upholding his reputation to others.

Though he may sin (because we all do) it is not my job to let the world know. No, not even my mother needs to know my husband’s “failures”. I’ve seen it first-hand. I have even been that woman. Yikes! If a woman tells her mother the list of things her husband does wrong, it can change her attitude about her son-in-law. It can actually cause the mother-in-law to sin and think or speak terrible things about her son-in-law.

Being loyal, even in my husband’s absence, is glorifying God’s holy name. It is being respectful of the man I married. Loyalty should be very high on a wife’s list of priorities in marriage. When a wife speaks highly of her man, he feels like a hero. It makes him feel like a great leader for his family. It can change his attitude even to the point of turning him to God (I have witnessed this very thing).

The way I think about it is, would I want my husband talking to his mother about all of my flaws? I would hope that answer would be no. I don’t want my “failures” revealed to others. I love my husband. Though we may have disagreements and bad days I don’t want that to be the legacy we leave. As a wife, my loyalty should lie with my husband. If a “friend” starts speaking poorly about her own husband, what must she say about you?

I have noticed that when a woman (and, yes, I have been this woman too) starts speaking ill of her husband it spreads like disease. It can make others feel uncomfortable. It can make people feel the need to chime in about their man as well.

It is the ultimate betrayal to a marriage to tell others about private things that go on behind closed doors.

Be loyal to your husband and marriage. Let him hear you speaking highly about him. He will love you all the more for it. Tell others, especially your mother, all the good things your man does. Tell them how he brought dinner home last night so you didn’t have to cook, or how he put the kids to bed so you could take a bubble bath and relax. Tell them how he works hard so you can stay home with your children. Be your husband’s biggest fan and cheerleader. Support him. He will thank you for it and feel extremely respected and loyal to you.

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